Getting better requires being willing to have a go and get it wrong.
Reposted with the kind permission of Paul Gamble of the Athlete Generation.
The willingness to try, fail and try again is a prerequisite for becoming better.
The urge for exploration comes to us naturally during the early years. Just as infants and toddlers play with making different sounds to acquire language, our innate curiosity leads us to engage in ‘motor babbling’ to figure out how to move our bodies so we can satisfy the desire to explore the world around us and investigate objects in our vicinity. By observing and trying things out for themselves, young children first acquire the rudiments of motor skills and then refine them over time through unceasing trial and error. In this seemingly haphazard way, we go from our initial hesitant bumbling attempts to mastering the highly complex and coordinated actions involved in locomotion and performing fine motor tasks demanding high degrees of dexterity.
A signature feature of the motor learning process is the falling short and falling over that happens at regular intervals along the way. During the early childhood years, our default response is simply to pick ourselves up and carry on undeterred. As the adage goes, if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. Young kids are naturally tolerant of failing and steadfastly stick to the task. However, as they progress through childhood many pick up unhelpful habits of thought that increasingly get in the way. As young performers become older and more self-conscious, they may develop an aversion to integral aspects of the learning process as ego- and status-related concerns start to interfere with the pursuit.
From social cues and other sources many kids develop the impression that those who are smart or good at sport pick things up easily and effortlessly get things right by virtue of their innate abilities. From this starting point, having to put in effort is interpreted a sign that they are less skilled or less smart. By this logic, trying hard or worse still being seen to struggle acquires negative connotations. Perceiving that effort and struggle reflect poorly on the individual does not serve anybody and only reinforces negative feelings for kids who are already concerned about what others think of them. Aside from the fact that this mindset is not conducive to learning, it can lead young performers to sabotage their own efforts. When such concerns start to take over, it can become ‘if at first you don’t succeed, throw your toys and give up sparing yourself any risk of further embarrassment’.
It is understandable that kids who are self-conscious and insecure in their own capabilities might be afflicted by such ideas. What we must point out is that by choosing to opt out or otherwise giving up at the first sign of difficulty they deny themselves any route to developing the competence that would provide some assurance. Certainly, such a strategy makes it practically impossible to master any skill.
Whilst there might be guidance and instruction involved, learning any motor skill ultimately comes down to a process of trial and error. It is worth pointing out that there are two parts to this. First you must be willing to try out the new skill or different way of doing things and make a genuine, whole-hearted attempt. Next, you must be able to respond in a way that is adaptive when you fall short and get it wrong – as you inevitably will.
It is almost guaranteed that we will do things imperfectly when learning a new task or technique for the first time. Given the degree of coordination and complexity of the skills involved in pursuits such as sport and music there is essentially no such thing as being good when first starting out. Honing skills over time means committing to an iterative process of trial and error to explore the task and converge on the best solution. Whilst estimates vary (10,000 hours?), it is generally accepted that even for those who possess extraordinary talent it will take years of dedicated effort to become a virtuoso.
Aside from being ready to engage, any new task or different approach takes a little time to get to grips with. When first presented with a new skill or drill there is some likelihood that they may not immediately grasp what coach trying to convey. Once again, getting a handle on what they are being invited to perform requires them to have a go. A good phrase for motor skills is ‘apprehend to comprehend’. Getting things clear in our own mind requires physically performing the action – or at least a rudimentary version of it. Making an initial attempt in turn provides the opportunity for feedback and further instruction.
Beyond giving it a go, it is necessary to stick with it long enough to successfully execute the skill to get a proper feel for the movement. From there, honing the skill means executing the skill over and over again to work through the recursive loop of trial, error, make correction, repeat – troubleshooting along the way to identify what went wrong and figure out what modifications are needed to do better and get closer with the next attempt. All of this means committing to the process and persevering through difficulties, as well as handling the attendant frustration.
Based on what we have described there are various points where things can go awry. Entertaining instruction or whatever suggested modification is being offered by the coach means allowing that there might be a better or at least equally valid alternative, which can be challenging given the attachment to the familiar and practiced way of doing things. For kids who are open to the possibility, they must then fully engage with whatever they are being invited to try. It is understandable that kids might be reticent to engage when invited or instructed to try something new as it means stepping into the unknown. There is some temptation to not commit fully and only make a half-hearted effort with the initial attempt, as it permits the excuse that they did not really fail as they were not really trying. The final hurdle is to remain engaged and stick with the laborious process of figuring things out if they don’t immediately grasp things or get it right first time. My recent experience has been that it is increasingly common for kids to react negatively at the first sign of struggle, such that they disengage or withdraw effort.
To expand our repertoire of skills we must be willing to explore the unknown and experiment with new and different ways of doing things, which means venturing into uncharted territory. Contact with the unknown carries both threat and promise. Due to its ambivalent nature, the prospect of trying something new or attempting to do things differently elicits apprehension but it can also provoke curiosity. It is conceivable that what is being proposed might offer the key to unlocking a higher level of performance and opening up a host of new possibilities. On that basis, whilst it might be confronting, there should also be some eagerness to find out.
In the face of uncertainty or the unknown there are essentially two options: you can either approach or withdraw. Which of those options is chosen communicates something to others as well as the person themselves. If they approach, it communicates that the person considers themselves capable – and also that whatever is being attempted has the potential to deliver good things and is worth pursuing. In contrast, if the person withdraws it communicates that the person is not confident, they are equipped to proceed and perhaps that they consider the task to be either potentially harmful or otherwise not useful.
Until we voluntarily explore something it will induce anxiety. We do not learn to be fearful or anxious, but rather learn not to fear something by establishing through exploration that the thing we were apprehensive about is either non-threatening or better yet potentially useful to us. The decision not to engage in exploration condemns us to remaining anxious. Worse still, by opting to avoid something we reinforce in our minds that it is something to be avoided, such that the sense of threat and anxiety grows. In this way, the reticence towards trying anything new or different becomes self-reinforcing. Over time we may come to adopt avoidance as our default response, which of course only makes us more fearful.
Being willing to engage is a demonstration of humility, as it means implicitly acknowledging that they still have something to learn, and the coach has something to teach them. Conversely, refusing to entertain other ways of doing things or deciding not to engage when presented with a new drill or technique in practice is a mix of denial and delusion borne of insecurity. While it might come across as petulance, it is important to understand that these behaviours are motivated by fear. It is no coincidence that this most commonly afflicts ‘tweens and early teens, as this is the time in our development when we are more self-conscious and affected by the prospect of social judgement. Even in practice, being asked to try something new in front of their peers may be threatening to fragile fledgling egos.
The imperative to not look foolish and protect their status within the group inevitably tends to lead to avoidant behaviours. A sure way to avoid failing is to not try and simply opt out of any scenario where there is potential for looking foolish. Similarly, the perceived threat to ego and status explains the aversive reactions when the young performer’s initial efforts fall short, or they are provided with feedback suggesting they might be doing things imperfectly.
Clearly things can go either way at each point in the learning process, and what mindset and beliefs a young performer brings to the pursuit can make all the difference. How they appraise the scenario, the meaning they ascribe to effort, how they interpret difficulties and setbacks all have major implications. Each of these factors will shape how kids experience situations in practice and in turn determine their approach and how they respond. A young performer’s attitude towards making mistakes is perhaps the most important aspect to address and reframe, both in terms of how they handle the prospect of getting things wrong and their response when mistakes occur.
Errors are not only inevitable but also necessary. Exploring the problem space requires seeing what works and what doesn’t. To use the analogy of the game battleships, the ‘hits’ provide important information but so do the ‘misses’. Errors are information that guide learning. In other words, to find out anything we must be willing to make mistakes. The error part of ‘trial and error’ is the source of crucial feedback that informs what modifications are needed. What we must help kids to understand is that making new and different mistakes is central to getting to grips with the problem, discovering important lessons and revealing the route to potential solutions.
‘Let no man deceive himself… he must become foolish, so that he may become wise’.
– Corinthians
The other crucial element to tackle with young performers concerns their attitudes towards difficulty and struggle – or more specifically, their perceptions regarding what it means when they experience difficulties or struggle to pick things up. It is not uncommon for kids to acquire the distorted belief that finding something hard reflects poorly on them and means that they are not smart or otherwise lacking in ability.
What is striking is that kids who are somewhat accomplished and have enjoyed success are equally prone to distorted beliefs and unhelpful behaviours. When you have become used to being top dog there is added discomfort associated with grappling with something new or different – especially if others are picking it up. Being marked out as talented or gifted is often interpreted as meaning that they should pick things up with ease and essentially do everything right at the first attempt. The perceived imperative to make things look effortless and never be seen to struggle is clearly not an expectation anybody can live up to. For the most part, this is a projection that is not grounded in reality.
Aside from false impressions regarding others’ expectations, high achievers are also likely to be perfectionists. One of the pernicious aspects of perfectionism is the tendency to hold themselves to an impossible standard – and then mercilessly beat themselves up when they inevitably fall short. Wherever it arises from, the notion that anything less than getting everything right first time every time constitutes failure is clearly nonsensical. Happily, these beliefs do not stand up well under scrutiny. However, if left unchallenged, these distorted beliefs often lead to behaviours that do not serve them.
‘If you are not willing to be a fool then you cannot become a master’.
– Jordan B Peterson
An important realisation for aspiring young performers is that whatever their accomplishments, what got them here will likely not be sufficient to get them where they want to go. The urge to protect their ego and preserve their status is an indulgence they cannot afford as it will inevitably impede their progress and hold them back from pursuing their goals. As the grown-ups we can help guide them towards this realisation and we should certainly support them through the process.
There are plenty of data indicating that young performers fare better in a mastery-focussed practice environment. Coaches and parents alike should be mindful and choose their words carefully to avoid bringing ego and status into the equation as far as possible. The coach likewise bears responsibility making practice environment a safe space for trying things out and making mistakes in service of learning new and different ways of doing things. Everybody involved has a role to play in providing encouragement and offering praise to reward and reinforce the desired behaviours.
As coaches and parents there is a benefit to acknowledging that it can be daunting to be presented with a new or unfamiliar way of doing things. It is natural to feel some trepidation when faced with the unknown. It is also natural that they might feel a reflexive urge to disengage when experiencing apprehension and discomfort. Courage and tenacity are required. Rather than downplay it, we should rather encourage young performers to step into the role of exploratory hero in their own story. When presented in the right way, the difficulty of the quest and even the obstacles and setbacks they will encounter along the way can be motivating. We should encourage aspiring young performers to relish the challenge and embrace the process in the spirit of curiosity and play.
In making the case, we should highlight how opting to be brave and to stick with it will not only help themselves but also serve the interests of the group. Pointing out their actions can benefit others and serve the greater good is powerful from a motivational perspective. By becoming more capable and adaptable they will be better able to contribute to the collective effort. In doing so, they will also encourage other members of the squad to follow their lead, in turn helping them and further benefitting the group as a whole.
That said, it remains up to the young athlete to have the courage to dare to try and to commit to working through the process. Whatever emotions they might be experiencing are natural and certainly no cause to think less of themselves, but it is also necessary to get past all that that. There is no other way but to take the plunge and then persevere through all the struggles. The best strategy to overcome apprehension is to voluntarily approach and explore. Rather than succumbing to anxiety, the better alternative is to lean into curiosity and focus their attention on solving the puzzle.
Another way to combat fear is to think about the alternatives and consider what is more frightening. Whatever apprehension or discomfort they might be feeling needs to be weighed against the frightening prospect that giving in will deny themselves the opportunity to become better and cost them the chance to pursue their goals. Ultimately what self-conscious young performers really want to avoid is looking foolish in competition – when the stakes are higher, and they are performing in front of an audience that is potentially largely and likely less forgiving than their training partners. If they limit themselves in practice to what is familiar and stick with what they are already adept at, this will leave them entirely exposed and bereft of a plan B when the day comes that the tried and tested way of doing things no longer produces the desired outcome. Likewise, if they encounter an unforeseen scenario in competition that calls for something different then the decision not to explore and experiment during practice will doom them to fail. The only way to guard against this is to thoroughly explore and practice the full array of athletic and sport skills that they might be called on to perform in the arena.
Paul Gamble PhD is a coach, performance director, consultant and author. Paul has a long-lasting interest and involvement in talent development. Hs most recent book published in 2022 was Sports Parenting, which aimed to equip parents to better work with youth sports coaches to support kids through each stage of the youth sports journey, and he has since launched the Athlete Generation substack to provide content to parents, youth sports coaches and physical education teachers.
