What happens when competition nerves don’t just affect a young athlete, but everyone around them too?
A parent recently got in touch about their child, a talented young runner competing at regional and national level.
Training wasn’t the problem. They loved running. They trained well. They were capable, committed and achieving some fantastic things in their sport.
But competition was becoming a very different experience.
Nerves that started on Monday
The nerves weren’t just appearing on the start line. They were starting at the beginning of the week.
As a competition got closer, the young athlete would become more and more irritable. Small things led to frustration. They’d shout, snap at family members and get upset about things that wouldn’t normally bother them.
The parent described feeling as though everyone was walking on eggshells in their own home.
By competition morning, the anxiety had often reached another level: tears, feeling sick, and sometimes actually being sick.
This wasn’t a young person who didn’t want to run. They desperately wanted to run, and to do well. But the thing they cared so much about had started to feel overwhelming.
The parent had reached the point of wondering whether to take their child out of the sport altogether. After all, young people are supposed to enjoy their sport.
So what do you do when something your child loves starts to make the whole family miserable?
When the body’s alarm system gets too loud
One way I talk about nerves with young athletes is to think of the body’s stress response as an alarm system.
We need that alarm. Before an important competition, our brain recognises that something meaningful is about to happen. Our heart rate rises, adrenaline kicks in and our attention sharpens. Some of that can actually help us perform.
The problem comes when the alarm becomes too sensitive.
Instead of sounding just before the race, it goes off every time the athlete thinks about the competition. A conversation about the weekend can set it off. So can seeing the start list, or thinking about a qualifying time.
Suddenly, they aren’t managing nerves for a few minutes before a race. They’re living with the alarm sounding for days.
The aim of sport psychology isn’t to switch that alarm off. Feeling nervous about something that matters is normal. Instead, we want the athlete to understand what’s happening, and to develop the skills to turn the volume down when they need to.
That became the focus of our work.
Helping the athlete understand what was happening
I first met the parent to understand what they were seeing at home and what competition weeks had become like for the family. I then met the young athlete to explore things from their point of view.
Together, we unpacked what happened when the nerves built up: what they noticed in their body, where their thoughts went and what they were most worried about.
From there, we built a plan. We worked on:
- recognising the early signs that nerves were building, rather than waiting until they felt overwhelmed
- breathing and grounding techniques to calm the body
- bringing their attention back to what they could control
- handling unhelpful thoughts about results, other competitors and what might go wrong
- confidence and pre-race routines
- understanding that they didn’t need to feel completely calm or confident to perform well
The goal wasn’t to create an athlete who never felt nervous. It was to create an athlete who knew what to do when the nerves arrived.
Supporting the parent was part of the work too
After sessions, I spent time with the parent to help them understand what their child was working on, and how they could support those strategies at home and around competitions.
Parents often feel a huge responsibility to make things better. They reassure, give advice, try to distract, or avoid mentioning the competition altogether. But what helps one young athlete can make another feel even more overwhelmed.
Over time, the focus shifted to helping the family understand what support worked best for this young person.
A few sessions in, the athlete asked if their parent could join us. They wanted to explain how the nerves felt, and what they needed from their parent when things started to become too much.
That was a significant moment. Instead of the parent constantly having to guess, the athlete was learning to say what they needed. And instead of frustration building until everyone was upset, the family now had a shared understanding and a plan.
What changed?
The nerves didn’t disappear completely. But the young athlete became much better at recognising and managing them.
Competition weeks became easier. The tension at home eased. The parent felt more confident about how to support their child.
Most importantly, the parent told us their child was happier and enjoying their sport again.
That matters. Of course we want young athletes to fulfil their potential, perform under pressure and see how far their sport can take them. But sustainable performance also means giving them the psychological skills to cope with the demands of doing something they care deeply about.
Does this sound familiar?
Perhaps competition weeks have started to feel tense in your house. Maybe your child is brilliant in training but struggles when it matters. Perhaps they become tearful, irritable, withdrawn or overwhelmed before competitions, or put huge pressure on themselves around results, selection or qualifying times.
Or maybe you simply aren’t sure what to say or do to help.
How we can help
At Working with Parents in Sport, we offer sport psychology support for young athletes and their parents. This can include sessions for the athlete only, support for parents, or a combination of the two, depending on what’s most helpful for the young person and their family.
We can help with areas such as:
- competition nerves
- confidence
- managing emotions
- pressure and perfectionism
- focus and routines
- coping with setbacks
- rediscovering enjoyment
We also help parents better understand what their child is experiencing, and how best to support them.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “That sounds like our house,” please get in touch to find out more.
Find out more about WWPIS Sport Psychology | Email: workingwithparentsinsport@gmail.com | Phone: 01423 603081
