Every weekend, all over the world, millions of parents, children and coaches set off for the same ritual: match day. Most follow the routine they always have, without ever questioning it.
Nearly all of these parents and coaches mean well. They believe they’re supporting their child and their team. What they don’t realise is the damage they can do by getting too involved before, after and, above all, during the game itself.
I say “don’t realise”, because if they do realise, the situation on our touchlines is worse than I feared.
134 instructions in 40 minutes
One Saturday morning, I ran a small experiment at an under-8s grassroots football match. I counted every tactical instruction shouted from the sideline by parents and coaches. In 40 minutes of play, there were 134. That doesn’t include any praise. That’s 134 instructions, directions and corrections alone.
Imagine you’re an adult, halfway through a task, and someone shouts a new instruction at you roughly every 18 seconds. Some of those instructions contradict each other. You’d struggle to concentrate, and you’d struggle to make the decisions you were already halfway through making.
Now think about what that feels like for a seven-year-old.
Why it feels like it helps
Caught up in the excitement of the game, most parents and coaches genuinely believe that shouting instructions helps. Occasionally it even looks as if it works: the ball goes where you said, the tackle goes in. But the short-term win hides the long-term costs.
The real cost for the child
- They stop thinking for themselves. Every decision made from the touchline is one the child doesn’t get to make. Learning to read the game, choose a pass and live with the result is where development happens.
- They play with one eye on the sideline. Instead of watching the ball, the space and their teammates, children start looking to the adults to tell them what to do.
- They get mixed messages. The coach says one thing, a parent says another, and the child is caught in the middle, often worried about upsetting someone either way.
- They become afraid of mistakes. When every error brings a shout, children learn to play safe, avoid the ball and stop trying new things.
- The pressure rises and the fun drains away. Many children tell us they find the noise from the sideline embarrassing or stressful. When sport stops being fun, children stop playing.
My message to parents
Are you shouting tactical instructions from the sideline?
If the answer is yes, stop. Stop now.
I can already hear the justifications forming, because I could be you. I am you. I want to right the wrongs for my own child. I want him to score. I want him to feel the joy of winning and I want to spare him the pain of losing. I want him to know I’m there, that I love him and that I’m his biggest fan.
But let me ask you this: do you think it helps?
It doesn’t. No clever counter-argument gets around it. Shouting instructions from the touchline is bad for your child. That’s not just my opinion. It’s what children tell us, and what good coaches see every week.
My message to coaches
Everything above applies to you too, though there’s a little more room for a measured, considered word here and there if you’re genuinely helping your team develop.
We regularly hear from parents who have been told by their club exactly how they’re expected to behave on the sideline, only to stand and watch the coach do the opposite. Coaches must be the role models here. Lead from the front and parents will follow. Say one thing and do another, and no policy in the world will hold the line.
What to do instead
Stopping the shouting doesn’t mean standing in silence looking disengaged. It means changing what you offer from the sideline.
- Leave the technical feedback to the coach. It’s their job, and your child only needs one voice telling them how to play.
- Offer encouragement, not direction. There’s a big difference between “Come on!” and “Get rid of it!”
- Let mistakes happen. A misplaced pass a child works out for themselves teaches them more than one you shouted the correction to.
- Ask questions afterwards rather than giving answers during. “What did you enjoy?” tells you, and them, far more than “Why didn’t you pass it?”
- Keep the car journey home calm. The drive home isn’t the place to replay the match. Let your child set the tone, and save any bigger conversations for a day or two later.
- Watch your body language. Head in hands, folded arms and loud sighs send a message too. A relaxed smile says far more.
A simple sideline code
- Cheer for effort, for everyone.
- Leave the coaching to the coach.
- Let the referee referee.
- Let mistakes happen.
- Keep the journey home calm.
The bigger picture
With positive support, and positive support only, from the touchline, we can start to win back an environment that is genuinely at risk of spiralling. Right now, the only people paying the long-term price are the ones we love the most and want the most for: our children.
