‘Do you want to keep riding down the path, or shall we turn around and ride back to Mum?’
‘I want to ride down this way, Dad.’
It was an option I hadn’t even considered. My three-year-old daughter was pointing down a grass slope stretching away from the concrete path where we stood.
I hesitated. This would be by far the hardest thing she’d attempted on her balance bike. Progress since her third birthday had been intermittent, as had her interest, she tired quickly of any ‘practice,’ sometimes protesting at the mere suggestion of getting the bike out. Lately her improvement had picked up; she could generate a bit of speed on flat ground. Racing down a hill, though, was an entirely different proposition to riding around in front of our garage.
I expected a tentative attempt. Instead, once she was in position at the lip of the slope, she kicked off and rolled over the edge. I jogged after her, watching anxiously. She built speed, running her feet along the ground on either side of the bike, wobbling a little but staying in control. Faster than she’d ever gone before, she lifted both feet off the ground and coasted… and coasted… kicked again… and coasted some more. A monumental leap forward. I was proud, relieved, and honestly amazed.
When she finally stopped, she looked up at me triumphantly and shouted ‘Again!’ immediately wheeling the bike back round to ride up the hill once more.
That scene repeated about a dozen times, until fatigue alone stopped her continuing.
Her energy, enthusiasm and sheer persistence stood in such contrast to every previous attempt that it made me wonder what had happened. The dad in me was proud and amazed. The coach in me was curious.
Athlete-driven action
What I witnessed that day with my daughter is close to what we should be striving to create as parents and coaches: enthusiasm and persistence that’s genuinely child driven. That’s not always possible, but there are moments where we can let it happen.
It got me thinking. If we can stumble into situations that motivate kids to tackle something previously difficult or uninteresting to them, can we learn to intentionally design environments that generate that same buy-in in a sporting context?
If so, we first need to notice what drives that kind of self-motivated engagement. So, what worked, for her?
Looking back, I suspect several things aligned that day to create such a positive experience.
Autonomy
My daughter chose to ride down that hill and drove the whole thing herself. No instruction, no cajoling from anyone else.
Autonomy is critical to intrinsic motivation. Motivation that comes from within, rather than being imposed from outside, and a genuinely higher-quality form of drive. A child is far more likely to throw themselves at something wholeheartedly when it’s their own idea.
Takeaway Parents should look to guide and nudge, not take over the experience. Coaches should constantly look for ways to hand the experience back to the athletes by setting the scene, then get out of the way.
Desirable difficulty
The hill was exactly the right gradient and length for my daughter’s confidence at that moment.
Sensible progression, pitched at a level of desirable difficulty, builds the sense of competence and confidence that intrinsic motivation depends on. Tasks that are too easy breed apathy. Tasks that are too hard breed fear and frustration. Either way, kids will find a reason to avoid them.
Takeaway Parents should set goals and challenges with their children that are genuinely realistic. Coaches need to keep activities within a young athlete’s actual skill level — don’t rush or jump too far ahead.
Safety
The slope my daughter chose was a large, open grassed area.
The appeal to a novice rider seems obvious in hindsight. There was nothing to collide with, and the ground was forgiving enough if she fell. Had it been concrete, dotted with trees, would she have tried coasting down at speed? Almost certainly not. Obvious as it sounds, a manageable environment is what makes a learner willing to try.
Takeaway Parents need to make sure their children are learning somewhere genuinely safe, so they’re free to thrive. Coaches need to build environments where athletes feel safe and remove whatever’s likely to cause fear.
Fun and unstructured play
There was no sense that this was ‘practice.’ No formality to it at all. My daughter was simply playing, having fun, it was unstructured and entirely spur of the moment.
The presence of genuine fun and play makes it far more likely that kids will engage with, and buy into, whatever’s in front of them.
Takeaway Parents should allow as much free play as possible, letting children invent their own games and challenges, rather than turning the back garden into another coaching session. Coaches should aim to make practice tasks feel like play, gamifying wherever you can.
Meaning
Even as play, the activity had real purpose and intent. Riding down a hill without falling off has far more real-world relevance than rolling around a flat square of concrete going nowhere in particular.
Dreariness deters. Meaning motivates.
Takeaway Parents should try to build in fun, challenge, and perhaps a touch of competition. Drills are often dreary. Coaches need to build in a game, challenge or competitive element wherever they can.
Absence of expectation
There was no expectation of success when she first kicked off. No pressure. Nothing at stake. Nothing to lose.
Unwanted expectation makes kids shy away from activities altogether or perform well below their best simply because of the anxiety it creates.
Takeaway Parents should keep their patience ahead of their expectation and avoid going in with too fixed a picture of what they expect to see. Coaches need to avoid loading young athletes with expectation they haven’t asked for.
Early success
The fact that her first attempt succeeded, without incident, mattered enormously, to her confidence, and to her eagerness to do it repeatedly.
Takeaway Parents should make sure their child is experiencing some genuine success. Too much failure, too often, breeds disillusionment and a loss of motivation. Coaches should deliberately structure early activities to make success more likely.
Encouragement, empathy and patience
As a long-term coach, I should already have known that skill and talent never emerge in a straight line. Long plateaus, backward steps, and sudden breakthroughs, which is exactly what happened as she learned to ride.
I tried to stay patient throughout. I was disappointed on the days she wanted to stop practising, but I accepted it. I encouraged gently rather than pushed. I never ranted or raised my voice when she gave up early. Every time she got on that bike, however briefly, I chose to see it as progress, even on the days it didn’t look like any.
Encouragement, empathy and patience are what motivate kids to try something and stick with it over the long run. There’s no use forcing the issue, we already know external pressure is a low-quality form of motivation. Give kids the chance. They may not try it today, but they might when they’re genuinely ready. Don’t burn that bridge with impatience, nagging or criticism.
Takeaway Parents and coaches need to recognise and respect a young athlete’s feelings by engaging with them, not dismissing them.
Conclusion
Looking back, this worked because it was driven by my daughter, inside a supportive, safe, fun environment, free of expectation but full of meaning for her. I simply provided the means and the opportunity, then stepped back into a supportive bystander role. The experience was hers. She did it.
There’s a lot to take from this, for parents and coaches alike. If we can identify the factors behind genuinely positive experiences like this one, the real challenge is deliberately building them into our family activities and coaching sessions. In my case, most of this happened unconsciously. Ideally, youth sports coaches should be designing for it on purpose.
Recommended action
Take a conscious, deliberate approach to building some of these elements into your coaching and your everyday life as a parent. If a child is hesitant to try something, or to keep going with it, ask what you could change about the environment to make engagement more likely. I’d genuinely love to hear what works for you. Let me know in the comments, or through the contact details below.
Summary
Young children are more likely to try things, and stick with them, when:
- They’re given a genuine level of autonomy.
- The task sits at a desirable level of difficulty.
- They feel safe.
- It involves fun and play.
- It’s meaningful to them.
- There’s an absence of unwanted expectation.
- They experience early success.
- They’re met with encouragement, empathy and patience.
Thank you to Darren Wensor, a big supporter of our site, for contributing this piece. Find out more about his work with young athletes at coachingyoungathletes.com
