We often talk on this site about the place of winning in children’s sport: it matters, but it shouldn’t be the main measure of success. Unfortunately, results still dominate most of the grassroots landscape.
So what can clubs, schools and coaches do to change the tone of children’s sport and focus on what really matters?
How important is winning?
It might sound like a pointless question, but the answer shapes everything. If winning is the most important thing, the consequences are far-reaching. It affects how the game is coached and refereed, how teams are picked and substitutions made. It also shapes how players, coaches and parents treat the opposition and the referee, how they view cheating, and how much they respect the game.
The tone and spirit of children’s sport has changed significantly in recent decades, and not for the better. Without a more compelling measure of success, the default has become the values of professional sport and the media: What was the score? Who won? Who’s unbeaten?
What happens when winning comes first?
When winning becomes the driving force, a lot changes. The atmosphere becomes less forgiving, and the values shift from those of education to those of professional sport. Blame shifts too.
The referee stops being respected as the person who makes the game possible, and comes under intense scrutiny for signs of incompetence or bias. Players, coaches and parents feel free to criticise the referee and the opposition, and coaches are keen to discuss their shortcomings with anyone who’ll listen. Children of all ages follow their lead, and what they see on TV and social media, and think nothing of questioning the referee’s competence or fairness.
Losing teams are slow to accept that the opposition simply played better. They prefer to blame outside factors: the opposition, the referee, even their own coach. Parents and coaches, who are often just as keen to blame someone, rarely discourage this. Beaten teams are slow to congratulate the winners, or to recognise the part the opposition and the referee played in a great contest. The idea that a great game can end in defeat, and still be a great game, is rarely acknowledged.
“Well done, you were better than us” is falling out of use. “Thanks for a great game” too often gives way to a brief, sullen handshake.
Winning is a zero-sum game
When winning is all that matters, the beauty of the game, the effort and the spirit in which it’s played become consolation prizes for the “wrong” result. The atmosphere sours, and half the players go home bitter.
By definition, only half the participants can enjoy victory. Other achievements, such as effort, improvement, teamwork and fair play, can be enjoyed by both teams at once. Children need to learn to value the satisfaction of taking part, not just the result. The question “How did you get on?” can be answered without a score.
The power of the role model
Role models have enormous influence. We can’t rely on the shop window of professional sport to set or reinforce good values, so the example set by parents and coaches matters more than ever.
Teaching and celebrating sportsmanship starts with example. If we all tolerate children, parents, coaches and organisations behaving dramatically in defeat and looking for someone to blame, the educational value of the game is badly diminished. The last time I looked, there wasn’t an Under-11 B World Cup, but the atmosphere at some games would suggest otherwise.
What clubs and schools can do
The power to change this lies with clubs and schools. They can choose to teach the values and culture of the game properly, challenge poor behaviour and find positive ways to engage parents. Or they can shy away from it and accept a sour, aggressive atmosphere every weekend.
Practical steps include:
- Set clear expectations from the start. Agree a code of conduct with players and parents at the beginning of each season, and stick to it.
- Redefine success. Talk about, and reward, effort, improvement, teamwork and sportsmanship, not just results.
- Celebrate good behaviour. Recognise players, parents and teams who show respect for the opposition and officials.
- Protect referees. Make it clear that officials, especially young ones, are part of the game, not the enemy.
- Lead by example. Coaches set the tone. A calm, respectful coach on the sideline is the most powerful message of all.
- Engage parents. Help parents understand their role through workshops, regular communication and opportunities to get involved.
- Model good endings. Encourage players to shake hands properly, thank the referee and congratulate the opposition, win or lose.
The atmosphere in children’s sport won’t improve by itself. It’s up to all of us to change it.
